All Guts, No Glory: Masher Marle Hammers the Heretics

From Cetus
Jump to: navigation, search
Masher Marle IV.jpg

Ash invited Sarge, Max, Rosa, Nadiya and Acid to her room and told them to bring alcohol. There she informed them she had been promoted to Interrogator and revealed her most recent mission. She had been sent to capture a rogue psyker and contain heretical material. The psyker was the writer for the fourth Masher Marle film and had turned his dreams into the plot for an action movie. Whilst it was wildly inaccurate, it contained far to many truths and had to be suppressed.

Contents

Opening Credits

The Imperial Guard were beginning to break against hordes of Dark Eldar when Marle appeared. He heroically fought his way through the enemy to the leader standing on a floating platform. He jumped on the platform and killed the leader with his bare hand, and then all the Dark Eldar fell down dead. An unknown corporal exclaims that the Eldar are a Hive Mind and Marle killed the Queen.

Marle was then called into the command tent of Colonel Michael who revealed he had been promoted to Inquisitor and was taking his best man, Marle, with him. He then introduced the new team of Agents for Marle to lead, Ash, Nadiya, Max and the new girl Rosa.

First Act

The evil mastermind Lord Chaotica had sent the Inquisition a video message. He had captured a navy grade vortex bomb from a torpedo and would destroy the entire Hive if the Imperial Governor doesn’t personally pay them ten million throne gelt.

Acid appeared, a short girl wearing a pink skirt and pigtails. She explained the background sound and visuals had been analysed and they have determined the filming location. Marle and his team were dispatched to the location. Max was initially cowardly but Marle instilled some courage in him. Nadiya was upset about getting mud on her shoes. They took a captive but Lord Chaotica's femme-fatal lieutenant Lady Murder escaped.

Second Act

The team then proceeded to Lord Chaotica's base, as revealed by the captive. They infiltrated the base (despite Ash's clothes being ripped to show her well-toned midriff) and split up. Ash and Nadiya went after Lady Murder, Rosa and Marle went after Lord Chaotica and Max went looking for the bomb. Ash and Nadiya were ambushed and captured and Max foudnt he bomb just in time to see it disappear in a shuttle along with the prisoners, Lord Chaotica and Lady Murder.

The remaining team then escaped just before the building exploded.

Upon returning to the base Michael berated Masher Marle for his failure, pointing out that the exploding building had set off a gas main and cut power to half the Hive, and took him off the mission. Michael insisted they would simply have to pay the ransom and Ash and Nadiya would be given up. Marle handed in his badge.

Third Act

Max helped steal back Masher's gun, Betsy and together with Rosa, breaking the rules for Masher Marle, and some information from Acid they went to track down the latest location of the bomb. They smashed through a window into the final base and fought through the faceless mooks to rescue Ash and Nadiya who were tied to the bomb. The girls were rescued, and despite being heroically wounded and having to rip his shirt off, Marle killed Lord Chaotica. With Nadiya's help to confuse the evil overlord and make him see 8 copies of Marle, Marle pulled out a rocket launcher and blew up Lord chaotica with a krak missile.

Max defused the bomb but Lady Murder got away. A grudging Michael gave the entire team medals.

Communications

+++TO: Gregory Michael
+++FROM: Ashar Lear
SUBJECT: Things

Gregory,

When you're back at the Obelisk, I've got some contraband that might make you laugh. It's the data slate in File 23DF5. Gaius has it.

Though...maybe don't mention it to Acid. You'll see what I mean when you watch it.

Also, see attached.

Yours,

Ash

++ATTACHMENT: Certificate of Ashar Lear's promotion to Interrogator

+++MESSAGE ENDS


+++TO: Ashar Lear
+++FROM: Gregory Michael
+++SUBJECT: Re: Things

Ash,

Have you ever heard the phrase “burying the lead”? You might consider looking it up some time.

Congratulations. Richly deserved I feel. You’ve really stepped up since returning from Hydraphur. Were it anyone else I might caution them about the loneliness of rank, but I have always been impressed by how well you manage to be friends with your fellow agents whilst still maintaining authority. I suppose “fellow Agents” no more… Beyond that I won’t try to give any advice. I’m here if you have questions but you’ve already proven you’re good enough for the role.

Since I returned with Interrogator Meade I’ve kept her rather busy touring the sub-sector and beyond checking up on various operations I have running and letting her get a feel for the region, but when she gets back I think it might be good for you to meet at an equal level. It could be helpful for you to have a peer to share your experiences with.

Was your promotion from Kovach as brief and strange as mine I wonder? As I recall he made a very roundabout point with me and it took me a while to realise what he was doing and he seemed to assume I already knew he had promoted me and we were having a conversation about it as if it were in the past. Never keen on straight talking that man.

I’m intrigued by this contraband. I shall take a look when I get a moment. Given your casual phrasing I trust you’re not casually directing me at something liable to damage my sanity.

Yours,
Gregory

+++END MESSAGE


+++TO: Ashar Lear
+++FROM: Gregory Michael
+++SUBJECT: Re: Things

Ash,

This contraband… Exactly how contraband are we talking? Has anyone seen this? I mean I can take a joke as well as the next man, and a bit of well spirited ribbing is good to keep one’s ego in check, but it’s not about me. People cannot be allowed to belittle the office of the Inquisition. Respect for the Inquisition and the other correct authorities of the Imperium is one of the fundaments of our civilisation.

For all it’s laughable inaccuracies it contains far too many truths to be coincidence. I assume you’ve found the leak? Clearly this is Hereticus business and I trust you have the situation in hand, but this cannot be permitted.

Also, fair warning, Winnie burst in upon me whilst I was watching it. I have chosen to assume she recognised the audio as she walked past my office and did not have any other way to know I was watching it. Frankly I’ve never known her to enter my office without knocking so I think she was somewhat emotional. Perhaps not helped by her timing, entering as she did just after her own starring moment.

I resisted her interrogation and refused to give up the name of the person or persons who introduced me to the offending article. Nevertheless be on the lookout for a very tiny witch hunt. Your name, alongside Max and Rosa, was top of the suspect list.

You know thinking about it I’ve never seen Winnie wearing pink. Or a skirt. She wore a dress one time when I gave one to her to wear to a formal dinner, and now I fear I may have made her uncomfortable. What would be appropriate formal-wear for a lady who prefers trousers? I worry if she wears a suit she would simply look like a young boy. Do you think she wants to look like a young boy?

On the bright side, at least “you” looked good in your undergarments. It’s hardly your most valuable or worthwhile trait but it’s something. Plus “you” accounded for yourself well in combat. It seems us poor background characters were sacrificed wholesale to the dark gods of cliche and lazy writing.

Yours,
Gregory

+++END MESSAGE


+++TO: Gregory Michael
+++FROM: Ashar Lear
++++SUBJECT: RE: Things

Gregory,

I’d love to get to know Interrogator Meade better. There are lots of areas I still feel pretty behind on. And yep, Kovac didn’t make it obvious - started talking about a “proposal” and an “offer” and then asked if I would accept if he asked me to be an Interrogator, so I said “yes”....and then had to check that he was actually offering. Feel like I made a bit of a fool of myself, but he didn’t take it back so I guess it’s OK.

Don’t panic, you’re holding the only copy in the Imperium. It was never released, and everyone connected with it has been dealt with. No chance of anyone else seeing it. Gaius has promised to file it so far away that nobody will ever find it. The ‘leak’ was an unregistered psyker having rather...interesting dreams about us. They didn’t know they were a psyker, obviously. Just thought they were a creative genius. My character didn’t say a lot, I reckon it’s because the psyker could only see me reflected in other people’s thoughts?

I DID warn Acid I might show you. Don’t worry, I can take her. I’ll just hide behind Amon, she’ll never hurt him.

All I know is, she’s really not a fan of skirts. At all. I reckon with the right tailored suit, if she did something with her hair and wore a bit of makeup she’d look cracking at a formal do. She could look really stylish.

Or - you can get divided skirts, but I can’t work out if it’s the skirt itself or the idea of looking feminine that she doesn’t like. If it’s the idea of it, we can stick to suits. I’ll try and talk to her about a makeover. Or you can recommend my amazing skills. She her a before and after of you before I got you into that Inquisitor getup.

You’ll be sad to learn that mesh bras are not a usual part of my wardrobe.

Yours,

Ash

+++END MESSAGE


+++TO: Ashar Lear
+++FROM: Gregory Michael
+++SUBJECT: Re: Things

Dear Ash,

At a risk of going down a rabbit hole of ladies fashion, can I ask what divided skirts are, and how exactly they differ from baggy shorts? It seems to me that a skirt or dress is anything that ends in one tube, and trousers/shorts is anything that ends in two.

Why Amon? That seems a specific choice. Is she sweet on him? Is he sweet on her?

Whilst I am of course grateful for your assistance in procuring my Inquisitorial robes, I should remind you that you didn’t win me over into liking them, they are simply the least objectionable option when something more formal is required.

Nevertheless I think it best I don’t start meddling in Winnie’s fashion choices. You are free to do as you please but I shall restrain myself to simply being more mindful about not making assumptions of what a young lady would like to wear in the future.

No mesh bras? I’m devastated! Next you’ll be telling me that Nadiya doesn't habitually go into combat in high heels! Actually whilst I joke I’ve known some people who do.

It may damage your image of me to hear this but I have in fact quite a few female soldiers in their undergarments in my time. Many simply as a matter of course during day to day life living in close confines with shared amenities, and some officers and indeed one Commissar in more personal settings. I am not entirely ignorant of what constitutes practical undergarments for a female warrior.

Yours,
Gregory

+++END MESSAGE


+++TO: Rosa
+++FROM: Nadiya
+++AUDIO TRANSCRIPT BEGINS

Dearest Boom Boom I think I'm losing my mind, and as one of the few sanctioned psykers in this building I'm desperately hoping you might be able to at least understand. I wouldn't go to Amon with this; baking his feelings might work for him and Acid, but not for me. Besides, I hardly know my way around the kitchen. Yes, yes, I know, ha ha, that's what staff are for, laugh it up.

Anyway, the thing. Whenever I go out on the town I can't drink, which puts other people on edge, and our colleagues… well no one's… it's…

Bluntly my love life right now mostly revolves around a recharge port in my room and I don't know how much longer I can put up with it, but I'm trapped in a loop.

Before my abilities manifested finding eligible boys was simple: look at the boys at Norspire Academy, make a shortlist of the attractive ones, then talk to them for long enough to establish whether or not I was going to tell them who their new girlfriend was.

But then there was the sleeping rough phase, and then there were the years in the Scholastica Psykana where they told us how dangerous it was for an untrained mind to indulge in desire, and now I'm here in this strange assemblage of people, and all the men are weird or appallingly old or both, OR they're from somewhere called Stohlbard where apparently sophistication goes to die, and you know what? You know what? At this point I'd even countenance the notion of a one night stand EXCEPT THAT I CAN'T EVEN DRINK, so that's not happening.

Ugh.

Don't misunderstand me Boom Boom, I'm not about to beg to leave because I'm that desperate for company, but everyone has needs and after four lonely years mine can't be met with a fucking battery.

Sorry to be so dreadfully crass. Don't feel obliged to respond if it's too awkward. Honestly it feels a little better just to have said it, so you've already done me a favour. I hope for your sake you don't feel the same.

+++VOX RECORD ENDS


+++TO: Gregory Michael
+++FROM: Ashar Lear
+++SUBJECT: RE: Things

Gregory,

A divided skirt’s what a posho wears when she wants to look nice in her mansion, but also go horse-riding. I guess you could call it ‘baggy shorts’, but it’s designed so that it actually looks like  a skirt.

She and Amon are pretty close, didn’t you know? They’re always in the kitchen together. Though if they’re sweet on each other, they haven’t told us. If she doesn’t kill me for showing you the film, I’ll talk to her about clothes. Best I get there first, before Max convinces her that stripy trousers are the way.

I had expected that you’ve seen women in their ‘undergarments’ during your lifetime, but that’s...actually pretty reassuring to hear. Scars and bionic limbs don’t bother you, then?

...forget I asked that.

Ash

+++END MESSAGE


+++TO: Nadiya
+++FROM: Rosa
+++ Subject: Night out

Dearest Nadiya,

Gosh. That is quite a predicament.I am honoured that you have come to me with your problem. I will try and help as best as I can.

Though are you sure I am the right person? I have only slept with one person. I also don’t seem to have the best of luck when trying to attract the opposite sex. I mean when I think back to a certain encounter with a certain Inquisitor it makes me want to curl up and never leave my room again.

However, what I do understand is what it is to be lonely and feeling like you don’t fit it. It’s difficult and I hate that you are feeling that way. I am not sure a rechargeable port will help you?! You may need to explain that to me.

Honestly Nadiya any man would be lucky to have you! Not only are you beautiful, you are intelligent, funny in your own way and you are one of the best fighters!

I know the Scholastica warned us against desire but we aren’t Sisters of Battle. We are human and deserve a bit of fun! The stuff we have done, the things we have seen, we are owed at the very least a bit of a release. Otherwise we will surely go mad! You are not alone. I feel it too. The nightmare’s I have. I have watched too many people die. The dark holds too many horrors. I have started to sleep with a light on. What I wouldn’t give to have someone next to me to tell me it’s going to be ok.

Do you need a drink to, ahem, do the deed? I never want to drink again. Not after last time. It isn’t wise. However, I do not think we need to drink in order to socialise!!! Nadiya, if we were to go to the upper hive bars you could have your pick of any man. You know so much about these things. I reckon it is just a case of getting back on the erm what’s the phrase? Battle field?

Why don’t we get all dressed up? You can help me pick out a new outfit to wear. We can go to any of the upper hive places you like! Just you and me. What man could resist? We don’t have to drink. We could pretend to drink so that we don’t make the hordes of boys that will be after us uncomfortable. We don’t even need to have a one night stand. It may just do you good to see that men do want you. You can make that list from all the numbers you will get and we can go from there!

Also not all of the men in the Inquisition are bad. At least they understand what we are going through. Amon, he would be worth a go? I know he is not that smart but he has a certain muscular charm. Though for some reason I think he seems to like Acid. I know she likes him. I don’t think she like baking as much as she likes a certain beefcake! Don’t get me wrong. I really like her. She has actually been really nice since the last few missions and she is a really decent sort. That being said can you IMAGINE it? Little and large? He would destroy her.

That’s an image I won’t get out of my head for awhile!

Anyway. I am here for you. I am actually at a bit of a loose end if you wanted to do something? I was going to see if Max was about but he can wait.

Let’s do something nice.

Boom Boom

+++Message Ends


+++TO: Ashar Lear;
+++FROM: Inquisitor Michael;
+++SUBJECT: Re: Things

Ash,

On Thoratis girls who went riding just wore a type of padded legging and they looked perfectly fine doing it. Even the sorts of poshos I who used to visit Father’s palace. It’s strange how many similarities there are across the worlds of the Imperium and yet so many differences. I bet you’ve never seen someone wearing Chopines.

I know Winnie and Amon had spent a fair bit of time together but I hadn’t really thought about it. It’s… not exactly a pairing I would have imagined. I just assumed they were spending time together because of their shared experience of having left the active duty roster. Plus I know free access to food at any time has been something she treasures far more than her paycheck. Well, if they choose to pursue something I’m sure that’s their own business until or unless they choose to share it with us.

I can assure you that if scars bothered me I wouldn’t much enjoy looking in the mirror in the mornings. Bionics are just scars writ large. I think in a way, scars can be even more beautiful than unmarked skin. It depends how someone got them. If someone had earned their scars in service to the Emperor it would show them as a dedicated person pure of heart and service to their fellow humans who was willing to put their body and soul on the line for the greater good. Personally I think that’s rather an attractive quality.

Yours,
Gregory

+++END MESSAGE


+++TO: Rosa
+++FROM: Nadiya
+++AUDIO TRANSCRIPT BEGINS

Dearest Boom Boom I seem to have given you the impression that I'm feeling unable to attract a man, and it's not that at all. It's a problem of finding one I wish to pursue. You mention Amon and as a physical specimen he's astonishing, but being attracted to someone is about more than physiology, don't you think?

Speaking of physiology I really can't imagine what could safely transpire between Amon and Acid. Then again I'm pretty sure they're just friends.

As to notion of a night out in the Spire, that would be most agreeable. You'll attract a great many admirers; of that I'm certain.

Long term, though, ours seems a ridiculous predicament. I don't really see how someone in our line of work is expected to maintain a relationship whilst being entirely unable to discuss their work with their significant other. Perhaps I should send Drake a list of intriguing gentlemen who might work well in the Ordos… of course then I would be damning them to a life of trauma for which I'd be responsible. I note Drake has no romantic involvements… indeed, no one in the Obelisk seems to have any families. Maybe after long enough one simply gets used to it.

But what if I do go mad? There's only so many times I can have some sort of breakdown before I'll become a spent cartridge to be disposed of.

Again, thank you for listening. Let's go to the Spire and pretend to drink. Hopefully we'll find gentlemen worth our time, if only for an evening.

+++VOX RECORD ENDS

Personnel Involved

Personal tools
Namespaces

Variants
Actions
Navigation
Toolbox