Fact or Forfeit

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Lots of recaf needed at the end of the night.

After the quarantine from Investigating the Abire Audacter was over, Inquisitor Michael invited the team from The Erydimae Incursion out for drinks.


Pre Drinks

Jaxx turned him down but as Sarge and Rosa were having a debrief with Drake when Michael dropped in, he invited them along too.

Michael asked Ash for a recommendation for a location, and, keen to impress, suggested a somewhat upper-middleclass bar called Nydman’s Bar.

Ash took Max and Rosa out shopping for clothes for the occasion.

  • Max wore a tailored blue suit and slicked back his voluminous hair.
  • Rosa wore an elegant corseted gown, in grey accented with blue, but had lace added to cover her ample cleavage. Max, who had younger sisters, tied Rosa’s hair up in elaborate braids.
  • Ash wore an androgynous trouser suit.

They met the others in the garage where Michael had arranged a ground chauffeured car

  • Drake wore an expensive looking suit.
  • Sarge wore imported grox hide cowboy boots from Iosmiri IV, a bright pink shirt with rhinestones and a white stetson.
  • Michael wore a tight black turtleneck and grey slacks covering clean and polished boots (the first time most people had seen him not wearing some kind of armour, although it was later revealed that he had a concealed forcefield generator, in addition to a compact laspistol and a knife).

The Bar

When they arrived at Nydman’s Bar they found it to be extremely dull, and immediately moved down the road to a slightly more interesting hipster bar where up-hivers came down to “slum it” with the merely moderately well off.

Michael got in the first round, refusing Max’s request for the low quality inebriant “Tranq” and getting him Amasec instead. Sarge recommended some beer to Rosa, who tried it, but Drake managed to persuade her that she didn’t have to pretend to like it and that it was quite acceptable for some people not to like popular drinks.

Fact or Forfeit

Michael then introduced the group to a game played by officers and enlisted men of the 5th Thoratis Regiment, Fact or Forfeit. Participants take it in turns to be asked a question by the group. They must answer truthfully, or can choose to say nothing and do a forfeit instead.

  • Ash: Why did you join the Inquisition and not the Sisters of Silence or Adepta Sororitas?
    • Not temperamentally suited to Sisters of Silence (can't stop talking).
    • Believed Sororitas were banned from having sex.
      • This prompted a discussion whereby Michael and Drake explained that this varied by order and Ash exclaimed that Max might have and chance with the Sister he fancied.
  • Max: How did a criminal like you learn to fly?
    • Was good at stealing ground cars so got headhunted but a ship stealing gang and learned to fly in stolen ships.
  • Michael: What was the last time you had sex?
    • A Commissar he refused to name when he was still a Colonel in the Guard (a good 5 years ago).
  • Rosa: Refused to answer so dared to get a phone number from the off-duty Arbites at the bar
    • She flirted awkwardly with them and then offered to maybe take her dress off if one of them would give her their number.
  • Sarge: What's with the necklace?
    • Sarge identified Ork, Ork Nob, Genestealer and Lictor teeth.
      • Michael was extremely impressed and explained to the others just how incredibly dangerous some of these creatures were.
  • Drake: Ever committed Exterminatus?
    • Thank the Emperor, no.
  • Ash: Who here would you most like to kiss?
    • Michael
      • Ash and Michael both extremely embarrassed.
  • Max: Having previously stated he had had sex 7.5 times, what was the 0.5?
    • A female gang leader he had slept with before, but this time interrupted by her husband.
  • Michael: Who here would you most like to kiss?
    • Rosa joked “would it be Drake” and Michael said that it probably would since as an Inquisitor it would not be right for him to have a relationship with a junior agent, and of the people here only Drake was a fellow Inquisitor. Michael carefully avoided looking at Ash.
  • Rosa: What was the most naughty thing you did at the Scholastia Psykana?
    • Rosa refused to answer and was dared to kiss Sarge.
  • Sarge: Was it a good kiss?
    • Yes
  • Drake: What is the nature of your relationship with Sera Jentiva?
    • Sibling-esque, they have worked together for decades and she is willing to question him.
  • Ash: What is the best sex you've ever had?
    • A threesome on Erydimae. She was gorgeous, He had a tongue stud.
      • Rosa did not understand why a tongue stud made any difference.
  • Max: How many different people have you had sex with?
    • Max refused and was dared to retrieve an item of clothing from someone at the bar.
    • He picked a Hen party and was quite heavily harassed by a group of mixed age women, but managed to trade a bottle of Tranq for a wearable plastic penis.
  • Michael: What was the most filthy thing you have wanked over?
    • Military duty doesn't leave much time or opportunity for pornography, so the worst thing was probably inappropriately imagining some other Officers her knew.
  • Rosa: What/who was your first kiss?
    • Another girl at the Scholastia Psykana whilst playing spin the bottle.
  • Sarge: What is the worst thing you've stuck your dick into.
    • The (cold) exhaust of a Chimera, for a funny picture (not erect).
      • He had also witnessed another trooper put his in the mouth of a dead Carnifex.
  • Drake: What was the most filthy thing you have wanked over?
    • Dare: Forced to Chug 4 shots of Tranq.
      • Rosa insisted on administering it personally, and when pouring it into his throat he choked and accidentally brushed his hand against her bosom, causing her to flinch and pour Tranq everywhere.
  • Ash: How would you seduce Kovach?
    • Enter his office wearing nothing but her long coat, sit on his desk and wait for him to return. She also said that whilst waiting she would "get on my DJ decks," a piece of Schola Progenium vernacular that thoroughly confused all concerned.
      • Michael went bright red during this answer and most engaged himself in drinking.

At this point Rosa asked Drake to dance, who assented. Max suggested dancing to Ash and somehow began discussing waltzing, and Michael tried to explain to Max how to hold a lady’s hand in such a way as to not be gentlemanly and not actually be holding onto her, and Max asked Michael to demonstrate, deftly manoeuvring Michael into dancing with Ash.

Dancing was interrupted when Michael overheard a seriously inebriated Drake beginning to slip the mask and talk about the pressures of being an Inquisitor.

Michael pulled Drake off the dance floor, had him vomit in the bathroom and filled him up on water and recaf. Drake assured Michael he would sober up pretty quickly.

The group them moved to a new location, defending Max from the hen party as they left.

The Club

The club they went to was further down hive, a converted warehouse and probably illegal. Drake pulled off his suit to reveal a hive-scum outfit underneath. Rose cut her dress short using Michael's boot knife, and Max instructed Michael on how to dress down his look.

Once in the club, Sarge, Rosa and Drake his the dance floor, but Sargent failed attempts at flirting attracted the attention of some overly territorial thugs with vat grown muscle enhancements. Max spotted the brewing fight and the entire group piled onto the dance floor.

A scuffle and a few gently exchanged headbutts were diffused by Ash who raised the stakes with a glass. The thugs were backing down but a casually slung insult to Sarge enraged him. Sarge attempted to demonstrate the Ork “flying headbutt maneuver”, however the 8 pints he had so far consumed threw off his aim and he ended up on the floor, recovering fast enough to roll away from “Meat Slab”, the gang leader who attempted to capitalise on the situation by stamping on Sarge’s vulnerables.

A full blown fight ensued, but it was quickly discovered that with their vat enhanced musculature they could shrug off most blows. For most of the fight the group were landing solid blows that were simply ignored, whilst dodging potentially devastating counterattacks. Rosa managed to take out the leader by smashing a bar stool over his head, and another with the remains of the bar legs. The others were taken out by Drake, who has blended into the crowd and occasionally emerged for sneak attacks with knuckledusters.

The group was ejected by the bouncers. Sarge was willing to put up a fight but Michael had spotted that one of the thugs Drake had taken out was actually dead so persuaded Sarge to go quietly.

Winding Down

As they headed towards a quiet bar to wind down, Max spotted an opportunity to pull Sarge through the doors quick enough to leave just Rosa and Drake outside.

Rosa took her chance and tried to kiss Drake, but Drake let her down as gently as possible and managed to prevent her from running away out of embarrassment.

The evening ended relatively peacefully. Ash thanked Michael for letting her down gently, and he stammered somewhat and pointed out that is was not her but his position, and that if she still felt that way when she became an Inquisitor things could be different.

Max and Ash helped a now very inebriated Rosa into her bed, and whilst Max was gentlemanly and urged away Ash, a fellow female, did get to see Rosa naked whilst they uncorseted her.

Max also caught Michael before her retired, having seen Drake safely to his quarters. He thanked Michael for a good night out and tried to call him Gregory. As Max was leaving Michael quipped “sorry to disappoint you Max but I don't even own nipple tassels”. Max retreated in embarrassment.


  • Drake is both pleased to know Michael was there to watch out for him, but also feels vulnerable knowing Michael has seen beneath the mask.
  • Rosa was terribly embarrassed about the whole affair, but Drake did as well as he could on damage control.
  • Michael has realised he is genuinely attracted to Ash.
  • Sarge is banned from yet another drinking establishment, leaving precious few that still permit him entry.
  • Max has realised Michael actually likes him.


+++AUTHOR: Rosa Richter
+++DESTINATION: Inquisitor Drake


I wanted to offer my sincere apologies for my actions last night. It was inappropriate and completely unprofessional.

As you may have gathered I am not quite used to the ways of courtship. I assumed that due to the clear affection between Michael and Ash that it would be possible for colleagues to form relationships. I realise now that we are no way equals and that it was foolish of me to act on my desires.

I will not do so again.

I hope that you will forgive my indiscretion and we can start with a clean slate. I will work hard to earn back your respect and try to be the best agent I can for the Inquisition.


P.s. I fear my joke about using my psyker abilities for self pleasure may have been taken the wrong way. In truth I have very little experience in physical matters and would not do something so foolish. I mean have you seen the effect smiting someone does to the body? I would not want to inflict that upon my nether regions.


+++AUTHOR: Eidan Drake
+++DESTINATION: Rosa Richter

Dear Rosa,

Giving you a clean slate would suggest that you did something wrong, and so we shall retain your present slate.

Even in the headache-riven sobriety I am enduring this morning, I freely admit to being flattered that a man of my age could be of any relevance to you. Indeed, a promising young agent with your looks should be breaking hearts of a much higher calibre. In a city of a billion people, I rather doubt that the best you can do is an artificially preserved septuagenarian with a fancy hat.

My respect for you remains the same; you are one of the most formidable new agents I have ever met, and as experience tempers your abilities I have no doubt you could become a legend of the Ordos.

If you are concerned that the secluded environs of the Scholam have left you ill-equipped for romantic advances, I would suggest befriending Agent Zelenko. Before her period of… troubles… I understand she knew exactly how to get her way. Perhaps having a pupil in this regard will help her find her old self.


p.s. thanks for clearing that up, I'll call off the inquest.

p.p.s. that was a joke, there is no inquest.

p.p.s. of course if there was, I couldn't tell you about it.

p.p.p.s. I fully concede that I am, in fact, the worst.


+++CONTACTS: Ashar Lear; Rosa Richter; Max Drent;
+++SUBJECT *Duckie, Boom-Boom & Two Limbs*



AL: Update on the Sexy Sororitas situation! Maxie can APPLY TO DATE HER!

AL: Well actually it's not clear if it's date or marry so

AL: But either way

AL: You can apply for courtship rights

AL: I'll pick the outfit

AL: Rosa can pretend to be the reverand mother in a fake interview


RR: Duckie & Two Limbs,

RR: Oh my glorious Emperor! That is fantastic news!

RR: Max I will do everything I can to help! I think we should try and find out a bit more on what you need to do in order for you to obtain those rights.

RR: Also you should probably figure out if it is just dating or marriage. I mean not to put a dampener on this but you did only meet her once so you need to establish if she is worth all of the effort. Marriage is a big deal.

RR: Have you had any contact since? Might be worth striking up a conversation. I would hate for you to go to all that effort and she doesn't like you. That's not a very nice feeling.

RR: Anyway I am sure we can make the impossible possible! I mean we are Inquisitor Agents after all! If we can't make this happen I don't know who (apart from the Emperor) can!

RR: Yours,

RR: Rosa


MD: Actually, why does such a thing even exist?!?! You know what, strike that. WHO CARES?!?!?!

MD: You guys are the best! And I'm excited! And nervous. Maybe both?

MD: Someone has to interview me? How much of an interview? The last one I had ended in nipple tassels...

MD: She is totally worth marriage... But it depends what you mean by conversation... I've been down to the cathedral a few times since the mission, but I mostly just watch her do generic sororitas stuff (in a way that is super romantic and not at all creepy).

MD: What if I'm in over my head, lads?

AL: There's an interview with the mother superior I think? Someone important. You have to impress her. But you're an inquisition agent and




+++AUTHOR: Inquisitor Michael
+++DESTINATION: Ashar Lear
+++SUBJECT: Clearing the air

Dear Ashar,

Forgive me for writing to you instead of having a conversation, but I confess I find it easier to get my thoughts out onto a document, where I can assess them and reorder them into something that makes sense. Perhaps that is the Colonel in me still, more used to the cleanliness of a strategium display than the chaos of front line combat. It must be said that it has also become my habit that the people I truly care about I mostly write to.

Most Imperial Guard deployments are temporary, anything from a few months to a few years. It is difficult to make friends with subordinates, and of course being the senior officer in the regiment that means everyone else. As such the only real friendships that one can make are those equals from other regiments that one meets temporarily in a given theatre, and must thereafter be conducted via exchange of letters which can sometimes take years to arrive.

Perhaps I have been unobservant, I can only apologise if you have been dropping hints and believed that I was cruelly ignoring you, but I must honestly say until last night I was completely blind to your affection. If I have been too caught up in my work and the state of the galaxy to notice what is happening right before me then the fault is mine and I beg forgiveness.

My current headache will attest to the fact that although I was upright and functional last night, I did have more than my fill of liquor. Therefore let me make my feelings plain in the sober light of day. You are a handsome woman Ashar Lear, and one any man should be honoured to have drawn the attention of. Furthermore you have a keen mind, a strong arm and a noble spirit. Perhaps what I most admire about you is your loyalty, both to your friends and to your duty. Sadly I must stand by what I said last night, however hastily explained it may have been.

All Thoratis officers, male or female, know that it is improper to engage in a relationship within your own chain of command. Setting aside the question of favouritism, how can there be equality in a relationship where one party is duty-bound to follow the orders of the other? If someone’s heart was to change, and they wished to break off a relationship with their commander, would they not worry about repercussions? A Captain may court a fellow Captain, or indeed a Lieutenant in a different platoon, but as one rises higher up the ranks there are fewer and fewer people around you who do not report to you.

Now that I am an Inquisitor, all citizens and servants of the Imperium are lawfully bound to obey my orders. As such it is unseemly for me to engage in a relationship with anyone who is not a fellow Inquisitor, or at the very least enough political power to defy me. Other Inquisitors may see things differently, but the path of honour and duty are, to my eyes, quite clear.

I have an advantage of experience, and reached the rosette ahead of you; but I have every faith that, Emperor willing, you will join me when the time is right. If you still feel the same then, we can reconsider how things stand between us. In the meantime I would ask you consider me a friend, and we do not let this become an awkwardness between us. If, however, you prefer to distance yourself to a more professional relationship I will, with regrets, comply.

Most sincerely,


+++CONTACTS: Ashar Lear; Rosa Richter; Max Drent;
+++SUBJECT *Duckie, Boom-Boom & Two Limbs*

AL: OK so if a guy calls you handsome is it a good thing


RR: Hmm. I am not sure. I would say that handsome is a compliment for a man not a lady.

RR: Maybe he is saying you are good looking but in a manly way? It's like saying you have a strong jaw line and bold features.

RR: If I would compliment Max I would say 'Max, you look very handsome.' If I was to compliment you I would say 'Ash, you are a stunning or beautiful or glorious or breath taking.'

RR: I guess it depends on the guy who said it. If Max was to say it to you then I would say it's a compliment but not an advance. I guess if Michael said it to you he is the sort of guy that would think things are handsome. Oh that's a handsome bolt gun or handsome piece of kit. So it would probably be a high compliment. As he likes such things. If he ever compares you to his carapace armour it would probably be a marriage proposal.

RR: Who said it to you?

RR: I am also not sure I am the best person to advise on this. You are far more experienced in these matters.

RR: Also am I missing something? What is this about nipple tassels? Is this a sex thing Max? I fear I have a lot to learn.

AL: See that's what I thought. Does it make me sound like a man? I mean I know I have a bit of a strong jaw but I don't think I look like a man.

AL: And thanks Rosa but I know I'm not beuatiful or breath taking OMG MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE CALLED ME HANDSOME

AL: Maybe that's what you call girls who aren't beautiful?????

AL: Ummmm yes maybe it was Michael

AL: Max said his last interview ended up with nipple tassels so he needs to tell us why TELL US WHY MAXIE


+++AUTHOR: Ashar Lear
+++DESTINATION: Inquisitor Michael
+++SUBJECT: RE: Clearing the air

Dear Gregory,

I know Gregory is your first name and everything, but I've known you as Michel since I met you so it’s still strange to call you Gregory, it might take me a while to get used to! Also please call me Ash. Ashar was my grandmother and she was always kind of a dick to me because of the pariah thing. It wasn't her fault but I prefer Ash.

I'm not very good at writing because a) I didn't learn til I got to the Schola when I was nine and b) they kind of just taught it and then stopped, so I never had proper book stuff like you and Drake have. So I'm sorry if this isn't a very good letter.

Thank you very much for writing though, I'm not very good at writing but I like reading letters.

I have liked you for a while. At the start it was just because you were a good officer (the kind of officer I always wanted to be) and clever and fair, even when I laughed at the armour. Then I noticed you were handsome and funny too. Please don't feel bad, I wasn't trying to drop hints about liking you. I didn't want to make it weird.

I understand that fraternisation is improper. I don’t think had thought about it because the Inquisition is so different from the militarum. Or the Schola. Or basically anything else.

But I just also want to say that I’m very good at saying no to things I don’t want to do. Not orders, obviously, I always follow orders from a superior officer when I’m on duty. But I mean I’ve never had sex with anyone I didn’t want to and I don’t think I’d have a problem saying no to someone even if they were my superior officer. If we’re not on duty then it’s different and I wouldn’t feel like I had to follow orders. But I can also see that you might not believe that and it I can see that fraternisation does make things tricky, so I agree it’s the right thing.

Thank you for your faith in me. It means a lot because I don’t think Drake thinks I’m clever enough (this letter is probably doing an amazing job of backing him up ha ha but I’m less clever in writing like this than in real life. I can do reports better than letters.) But you always thought I was good at this.

We are still friends. I like you very much. I won’t let it be awkward, I promise to be just like I was before. And if I get a rosette I will come and have a conversation with you instead of getting drunk and letting Max drop hints. Sorry about that. Thanks for not letting this make things bad between us.

Maybe by the time I’m an Inquisitor I’ll be better at writing letters.

Thanks, Gregory. You’re a good friend. And a good person.



+++CONTACTS: Ashar Lear; Rosa Richter; Max Drent;
+++SUBJECT *Duckie, Boom-Boom & Two Limbs*

MD: You people are relentless

MD: Handsome? Erm... It's not something I've ever called a girl I fancied, but that's a fairly short list.

MD: BUT if you look handsome up in the dictionary

MD: (when I was in the infirmary, after the powerfist incident, the only thing to read was a dictionary and I left before I could finish it all and I wanted to see how it ended... So I swiped it)

MD: it says that for a woman it means they're 'striking and imposing, rather than just conventionally pretty'. It's the opposite of plain. And if that ain't you, two-limbs, I dunno' what is.

AL: Awwwww thanks Maxie! I'll take it.

AL: But don't think a compliment gets you out of explaining.

MD: When I was in my 6 month review with Drake we got talking about Michael and how he never takes the carapace off and... I don't know how exactly, but ended up saying that image of Michael with nipple tassels over the carapace armour was a great mental picture and then obviously Michael suddenly appears behind me looking for Drake (for a stocky dude he is so QUIET, can we put a carapace bell on him?!?!) and I wasn't sure how much he heard... Until the night out. He heard. He heard everything.

MD: There, happy? Ya' vultures...

AL: Maxie.

AL: Never change.


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