A Jolly Good Mission

Siveter Lund called active Agents to briefing room 4, the first that most people in the Obelisk were aware of his return from Hydraphur.

Ash, Nadiya and Acid responded. In her haste to see Siv again after his time away Acid turned up wearing a dressing gown covering her skin-tight mech pilot suit.

Siv quickly introduced the small team to Inquisitor Kretchmar of the Ordo Xenos. He was particularly unimpressed with Acid, although it was not clear if that was because of her small stature or her attire.

He informed them of an active and powerful ring of psyker smugglers active in the sub sector and seemingly based on Erydimae. One of his undercover operatives there had been potentially discovered and he needed the team to extract him with his cover intact on the off-chance that it was not blown.

Erydimae

The team headed to Erydimae in the guise of a trade delegation selling servitors and loading equipment, with Nadiya as the trader, Ash her bodyguard and Acid her tech.

They were met on the way in by Moynahan, the Agent's handler, in his guise as an Arbites Lieutenant. He gave them a brief update on where the agent could likely be found.

The team took up lodgings in a fancy hotel (or scummy by Nadiya's standards). They decided the best way to make contact would be for Ash to head to the bar the Agent worked at and try and pick him up, whilst Nadiya and Acid set up surveillance around the hotel to see if he was being tailed.

Ash made contact and started flirting, quickly to realise that the Agent was in fact Hannat. She brought him back to the hotel and debriefed him. Acid joined her in her room and Nadiya radioed in from her observation post in the downstairs bar.

He had been working part time as a longshoreman and started taking off-the-books work from the smuggling ring, but whilst moving some psykers one somewhat crazy seeming old lady read his mind and started babbling about his "other friends".

The other workers looked at him funny but she was quickly dragged away. It was unclear exactly how much she knows and if she told anyone in more precise details.

The team agreed they would use their cover to "hire" Hannat, spend a day acting in their cover and doing trade deals with Hannat visibly working for them, then move on to another world "to continue the trade circuit".

With the briefing concluded Ash suggested Hannat may still wish to use the bath, and Hannat suggested there was no reason they couldn't do what they had pretended to come here to do.

Acid fled to the adjacent room and tried not to listen, but could not avoid hearing Hannat cry "jolly good!" at the critical moment. Both Ash and Acid broke down laughing. Ash, with no interest in physical affection outside of sex, left Hannat in the room and bunked with Acid instead.

In the early hours of the morning, Max and Rosa joined the team, having been dispatched as reinforcements by Siveter. As the team caught up and briefed the newcomers on the mission (Siv having been somewhat spare on the details), Rosa was unimpressed to discover that she and Max were not on an important mission together but were simply lending a hand to more senior agents. She was also unimpressed that nobody asked her about her recent injury (despite them not actually knowing about it). She was extremely unimpressed when she found out about Ash and Hannat sleeping together.

The mission continued as planned, with Nadiya and Rosa posing as high-born sisters on a trade mission, Ash their bodyguard, Max the tech and Hannat now as hired help. Acid stayed in the transport inside her mech Salty ready to respond with force if necessary but mosting piloting her Skull Swam and providing intelligence to the team via the comms.

They visited several companies and Nadiya was convincing enough, until Tiagater Docks. There a union rep from Howser, the group that organised a lot of the work for the smuggling ring, recognised Hannat in his cover as “Faelan Ide”. They stopped him on the basis of union dues still owed, and armed men began to move in on the group, but Nadiya quickly paid off the debt, suggesting that she would reclaim the money from him later from his paycheque, and the team left before there could be any further confrontation.

After that they cancelled the remaining appointments and left on an earlier shuttle, with the confrontation used as an excuse to maintain their cover story. The team were highly alert on the way out, but no further problems occurred.

Aftermath

On the way out Hannat picked up a drop from his handler. The psyker who had read his mind had been found dead from exposure. It was unclear what this meant for his cover identity.

Communications

+++TO: Nadiya Zelenko
+++FROM: Ashar Lear
+++SUBJECT: Study 

Hi Nadiya,

Hope this isn't out of order. I'll be brief. 

On the mission to get Hannat, you said that pretending to be posh was the only thing you could do. I'm not sure I believe that, but it sounds like you could do with some coaching, for your confidence? 

I've found someone - she's called Madame Cecily Vorsoisson, she coaches holo-vid stars when they need to learn an accent, or deportment, or whatever. She's supposed to be the best. Did you see that one last year, the murder mystery where the guy won an award for really looking/sounding like he was from down hive? Even Max said he was convincing, so you know she's good.

Anyway, her details are attached, I bet she could help you. You can make up a good cover story about being a posh starlet, I bet. Get Amon to go along as your head of security or something? 

Let me know if she's any good, my accent could use a brush-up. 

Ash

+++END MESSAGE

---

+++TO: Ashar Lear
+++FROM: Nadiya Zelenko
+++SUBJECT: Study 

Dear Ash,

That is most thoughtful of you! Much as I shall feel like a wretched charlatan, I suppose I ought to at least try. But why me? Aren't you interested? Aren't any of the others? And... what accent?

I did indeed see Neon Gutter. Not bad for a genre piece, even if the denouement was a tad facile.

Much love,
Nadiya

+++END MESSAGE

---

+++RECIPIENT: Interrogator Ashar Lear
+++AUTHOR: Unknown
+++SUBJECT: Private and Confidential
+++ENCRYPTION: Theta Sigma Prime

+++Please present biocredentials+++

+++Verifying...+++

+++Please submit voiceprint identification+++

+++Verifying...+++

+++Recognised: Lear, Ashar+++

+++Message Decrypting...+++

So I didn't want to get into it at the time but something Nadiya said kinda stuck with me.  She said something about how maybe I think I don't like sex but actually maybe I would.  But...  maybe I should start at the beginning...

You know about the Spikers, right? The gang that killed my parents and took me to do all their tech work?  They were all men, or perhaps I should say "male". But there were girls who hung around the hideout. They wore short skirts and a lot of jewelry and a lot of makeup. Enough to hide the bruises.

Some of them did it for protection, some to get gifts and money and drugs. Some just didn't seem to know there was anything else to do. Sometimes they would talk around me. None of them enjoyed the sex. Generally they'd pretend they did to the gangers, tell them how great they were and how amazing it felt, but amongst just the girls they all agreed it was at best neutral, often uncomfortable and sometimes very painful.

I was overlooked, but only just. As well as this curvelaciois bod, I used to have a pretty fucked up face until Geraldine fixed me up (not because I'm vain but so that I don't stand out so much or encourage fanatics to think I'm a mutant, plus it was quite hard to eat and drink with a big hole in my face). Still, plenty of the other girls weren't exactly the best lookers either, the Spikers were hardly a powerful or respected gang.

Mostly I got lucky. One of the Juves, Haggy, seemed to have started thinking about it.  I saw him watching me sometimes and he wasn't getting much attention from the ladies. He made a joke about it one night and another juve, Gram, who was kind of in competition with him took the piss and he pushed back, you know how cocky boys squabble.

It became a but if a competition between them as to who could describe me as the most unattractive and who could insult anyone who might hypothetically find me attractive the most. Even after those idiots were gone it became kind of established in the pack mind that anyone who showed any kind of interest in me would be ridiculed.

I know I make jokes about my figure but I honestly don't dislike how I look. I can appreciate how you can get the attention of any one you like, how Nadiya looks in a bodyglove or how Sister Airi...  is...  but I'll always remeber what would have been if I'd looked different and I never ever wish I'd been born looking any way different than I am.

So... Yeah. Basically I grew up learning that skirts were worn to attract men, which obviously I don't want, and sex was something men enjoyed and women pretended to enjoy to make the men happy.

But obviously that's not the case for you, and the others seem to imply the same thing. And I heard enough to know that some of the Spikers were pretty awful at it ("equating good sex to hard sex" was often described as a major flaw) but others were appearently more attentive. Is it just that? We're they doing it wrong? What...  why would you want to.  And whilst I'm asking frank and embarrassing questions, how does it work between girls? Someone made a joke about that too and I didn't want to look like an idiot so i laughed when evwryone else did but... how is that even a thing?

Michael's great and I know I can talk to him about anything and he's been really good about helping me adjust from life with the Spikers but...  I don't really want to talk to him about this. Or Sister Geraldine.

+++END MESSAGE

---

+++FROM: Ashar Lear
+++TO: Acid
+++SUBJECT: Re: Private and Confidential
+++ENCRYPTION: Theta Sigma Prime

Hi Acid,

Firstly - I didn’t know about any of this, and I’m so sorry. It’s pretty fucking monstrously shit. If you ever need to talk to anyone who isn’t Michael, you know I’m always here.

Platitudes are useless and I’m no good at them anyway. It should never have happened to you. I hope all those bastards have been wiped out, and if not, you know where to find me.

Secondly - thanks for trusting me with this. It must be hard to talk about, and this shows a lot of faith, so thank you. And well done for even wanting to talk about it. You’re really brave.

Thirdly - OK, here we go. Gonna use headings, like I would in a report, because it makes it easier. Easier for me, anyway. Sorry.

They were doing it wrong.
THEY REALLY WERE. I cannot say this enough. Sex should feel good, if you do it right. If you’re relaxed, and you and/or the other person knows what they’re doing, it should feel amazing. Really amazing. It should never be something you pretend to enjoy. The Spikers clearly didn’t know jack shit about it.

Why would you want to?
As above, it feels great. BUT I should add that it feels great to most people. Not to get graphic, but I’ve been with people who liked, and didn’t like, all kinds of things. Everyone’s different. So part of it is working out what you like. And don’t put any pressure on yourself, yeah? Some people don’t like it at all, and that’s cool too.

Research
OK, links attached to a few videos. ONLY THE GOOD STUFF, I promise. Ethics assured, everyone paid, everyone having fun. One video of a guy and a girl, one video of two girls, to show you what it’s supposed to be like, and also to show you how it works with girls. All very gentle and nice.

Next steps

Watch the videos and see what does it for you. Guys or girls? Both? None of it looks like fun?

If any of it does look good, and you do want to try it out, there are lots of options.:

1. There are some great qualified people out there, sex therapists etc. If you want to try it with someone professional who you don’t know, who’s accredited. I can help find them. I’ll even come along and stay in the waiting room if you don’t want to go alone. A trained killer just outside the door is great for relaxation, I’m told.

2. If you fancy someone who you know, you could ask them?

If you like girls, we could give it a go (no laughing about how unromantic that was, please, that was high courtship for the Schola Progenium and I don’t see the point in dancing around it!). I’m good and wouldn’t be weird about it.

If you don’t think girls are for you, you could ask a bloke. Maybe not Max though, he’s a bit...emotional about sex.

3. You could go casual. Just go out and pick up someone in a bar? Not sure I’d advise it as it’s risky, but again, my trained-killer-outside-the-door offer still stands.

4. If none of it looks like something you ever want to do, after research, then it might just not be for you. Some people don’t have any desire to do it.

Hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. Or don’t, if you never want to talk about this again. We can pretend it never happened. Whatever you like.

Ash x

+++END MESSAGE

---

+++RECIPIENT: Interrogator Ashar Lear
+++AUTHOR: Unknown
+++SUBJECT: Private and Confidential
+++ENCRYPTION: Theta Sigma Prime

Hey Ash,

Yeah, when Michael found my messages (there’s a whole big thing here about Magistratum corruption and so forth I won’t go into) he brought his squads down and wiped out the Spikers, the Manufactorum owner who was secretly running the gang and purged the corrupt Magistratum he was paying off.

I dunno that I’d say it’s brave to talk about this stuff, a bit embarrassing maybe, especially in front of the others, but I don’t really feel like my shitty childhood was my fault so I’m not generally ashamed of it.

The videos were… interesting. I guess until you know what right is, it’s hard to see what’s wrong. I’d heard of foreplay and it’s pretty obvious what it means from context, but I guess I’d never really understood what that means in practice. Definitely not how the Spikers were doing things.

I guess on that basis I suppose I’m curious. Like I still don’t have any particular desire to do it, I still don’t really see the point, but it seems to not be as awful as I thought and I figure you don’t know what you’re missing until you try? I didn’t know I liked chocolate until I tried it. Since leaving the underhive I’ve been trying pretty hard to be open to new things. I guess if I didn’t I’d still be living in shit and eating garbage.

As for next steps… eh, I’m not too keen on the whole paying someone to do it, and by the same measure I’m not really interested in doing it with someone unless they want to do it with me too. You’re offer is very kind, but… I think I know you well enough to know if you were interested in me that way you’d have made it obvious before now.

Obviously I’d have to like them back too, so Kado can continue to fuck off, even if he doesn’t look like a child anymore.

Whilst you’ve shown me it’s something I might actually enjoy, I’m not so bothered about it that I want to go hunting for anyone I can find who’s willing. I think I’ll just… see what happens.

Thanks Ash. I know we throw “battle mum” around a lot but you really are there for us. I’m going to miss you when you make Inquisitor and are running off on your own adventures without us.

+++END MESSAGE

Personnel Involved

• Ashar Lear
• Max Drent
• Rosa Richter
• Siveter Lund
• Nadiya Zelenko
• Acid
• Hannat Rekord